My Monologue

It's been 4 months since I came here. Had some good times with B's family. Only now that it's sinking in. Married life that is. After all the holidays - Wedding, trip to Yosemite, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Honeymoon, Christmas and New Year, the real life starts. In the Philippines, the weeks go by like nothing - maybe it's because I'm waiting paycheck after paycheck of my life to come. Having to resent paperwork at the office only to miss the chaos afterwards. Come to think of it, I don't miss the deadlines - but just the rush of accomplishment it gives me after I have conquered my sales goal for the month. I love working in an environment conducive not just for making money but also for fostering friendships - of people of same age and lifestyles.

Unfortunately, I have to constantly remind myself that my world is different now. That I have new dreams and aspirations. That instead of thinking that I may be missing out on all the fun, I have to tell myself that this is what I wanted - and wanting still. That at least I no longer have to spend my life wondering how, or why, or who, or when :)... and that is the beauty of where I am right now.

But life here is slow... Seconds ticking at an unusual hum. I know its not what I'm used to but it has it's upsides. I finally have time alone with God more, having to learn to wait on Him which in turn teaches me patience. I am able to understand the adjustments I have to go through as a wife with humility. My brattiness is no longer welcome. I have to grow up - forcibly because I have not trained myself to live life the hard way. Back home my diligent mother washes the dishes (because I was stubborn enough to pretend I don't have to). I don't have to cook, I don't have to iron, I don't have to fold clothes, I don't even have to wash my underwear. (We have a helper and well, my mom ruled the kitchen anyways). In a sudden whirl of events, I find myself married and doing these things by myself with little help from my husband except his encouragement (at least he's the one taking out the trash and cleaning the bathroom - a chore I dread to do).

I also learned that I don't always get what I want (for now) - and it's ok.  That I have always tried to know about God's ways to a point that I understood it when it really mattered. And it mattered now. Teaching me to have patience and prayer, and sacrifice and that Joy and contentment is a choice. To deal with personal conflicts and think that I am not the only person going through change and a lot more people experience tougher situations makes everything more bearable... more meaningful.

I have to be grateful for what I have now, a loving husband who is sweet and caring and thoughtful. That though he's not perfect, he's an amazing person. Having a mother -in-law that's not a monster and whose generosity is overwhelming. A father in law who's loving and supportive of his wife's (stern) requests. A family back home wishing me well. And having friends to support and show the grace of God with.  These are the things that I have to focus on not to dwell on negative thoughts that seem banal.

And lastly, it's not all about me and what I want - but about 'US'. And that sacrifice doesn't have to mean suffering but a temporary trade off of better things to come - funny thing was, I learned all these while doing laundry one bitingly cold morning.

0:)

And now, a song very fitting for my current mood...